Rants about my confusion, relationship, and hatred.
Coming down to everyone I’ve ever had feelings for.. This one is completely different. I feel like I can’t express my feelings for you, not that I’m ashamed of it. It’s that I’m so confused if I do love you, or the idea of having you. Our relationship is a secret right now, and I’m alright with that because soon people are going to find out because that picture of our lips meeting will be posted on every social network we have. The thought of people thinking we’re completely crazy, makes me so anxious, I want people to talk, because I do not give a shit that I love you. You’re mine, you’re my best friend. I don’t know if I love you, but you make me happy. So, why would I break up with you if you make me happy?
Only two other people legitimately know about us. Our other best friend, and my ex boyfriend. My other friend was perfectly fine with it, but is somewhat confused, but she thinks nothing of it, it’s like we’re perfectly normal for it. My ex though, he isn’t too happy about it. He believes that he helped us get together, but he really didn’t. Honestly, neither one of us knew this was going to happen. How would we?
I’m not worried about people hating on us, that’s what I want. I want hatred, I want to shock people. But, what I’m not ready for is finding out my true friends. I know who will talk shit and won’t accept us, and who will accept us as a couple. They’ll be shocked, like everyone else and will talk but not like the others who will say it to my face, calling me names. I’ve never been extremely bullied, but I think this relationship will get me to that point. But honestly, I do not give two shits at all. I can love whoever I want, I can date whoever I want, I can kiss whoever I want, I can hug whoever I want. NO BODY is going to stop me.
….
How are you supposed to tell someone you actually like them, when you know they most likely don’t feel the same? What if telling them you’re feelings they think you’re weird about it, because they weren’t completely serious, so you lose them? I don’t ever want to lose you, so that’s why I keep in all my true feelings for you. I can’t tell you my feelings. I know you don’t feel the same, but if you did.. I’d hope you’d tell me first.
